Legacy of Love

My uncle passed away this past Sunday. It’s been making me think a lot lately. Memories of him over the years. His life had been anything but easy. I remember being little at my grandmom’s and John getting ready to jog. His room was always packed with books and lots of stuff and always reeked of cigarette smoke. A habit he never stopped. He’d put on about 3 pairs of tube socks and go running along the train tracks I think. He’d always joke with us and call us “turkeys” or “hot dogs”. Over the years, I didn’t see him as much as I should have, after he was paralyzed, it always pulled at my heart to see him lying in bed, so different from the way I remembered him as a child. So powerless. But no matter the amount of time, he was always happy to see me and would always welcome me back. It was so hard to see him recently, so weak, so thin, so small. But still, every time he saw me, he had a smile for me. I think his last days were ones of peace. His wishes were respected and he was home, with his family, exactly what he wanted. His death reminds me to hold all of my loved ones closer to me, to appreciate them more. And to remember that this life is finite. One day, it will come to an end for all of us. We never know when our time is, and we should live our lives keeping that in mind. Don’t do things you will regret and just love all the harder. Isn’t that what’s it all about after all, love? Those will be the memories that are burned indellibly on your mind. Memories of love, laughter, kisses, hugs, all the things that come with family. Somehow, all of that always overshadows all of the bad memories (well most of the time anyway!). So I’m going to love and keep on loving, and give my children, my family and friends, the same legacy of love that was given to me.

20 More days until Spring..

that’s what Will told me today. Only 20 more days to spring and I’m so excited about it now. excited enough that I’m blogging. It’s been a while (since my bday) since I’ve written anything, but spring inspired me today. rejuvenation. new growth. new life. new beginnings. the time of year when the frozen ground begins to thaw and yields new things. do you remember what spring smells like? everything is a little softer, dewier, fresher. there’s the smell of grass again and trees, and flowers. and the sounds, sound clearer. more birds singing happily. and bees buzzing by.

I’m looking forward to trips to the park with my kids. playing outside. walks after dinner. maybe even flying a kite. 10 years ago, I would have been looking forward to buying a new top and heading out to the bar with the girls and getting smashed. meeting new guys and dancing the night away. it’s amazing how in only one decade, how your life can change, and you trade in one kind of fun for another. and this kind, it’s of a different variety, no side effects, no hang overs, no regrets. i’m so happy right now. 🙂