Do I rub you the wrong way?

Do I rub you the wrong way?

What is it about me that you avoid?
My crazy laugh?
My awesome hugs?
My see into you soul eyes?
Do I rub you the wrong way?
Was it about me that you avoid?
The love and compassion that I have for others?
How quick I am to help a friend in need?
How I dance and worship the lord in abandon?
The freckles that only cover half of my face?
Have you ever even noticed them?
Or are you embarrassed of them because they aren’t perfect?
Do I rub you the wrong way?
What is it about me that you avoid?
if you don’t take pictures of me I won’t disappear and go away,
I will STILL be here
And when you DO look again
When you dare to see my face, your face  —
Will you like me then?
Will you LOVE me then?
So stop avoiding me
Look at me
See who I really am
And LOVE me
For when you finally do,
you might just find that a piece of your heart
that had been missing all this time
Has just returned
Reflections on my dislike of taking selfpics Image

The Memory HOARDER…

So many of you know me, may already know my favorite channel – HGTV.  I love to watch as people’s homes start out in one state and in the span of 30 minutes becomes something completely different – warm, inviting, appealing.  And it’s no secret to all of you that I try and do a lot of those things on my own here at home.  But recently I’ve found that there’s another channel, or should I say 1 show in particular that’s been drawing me away from HGTV.  This isn’t American Idol so I’ll cut right to the chase, no cutting to commercial now.  It’s A&E ‘s HOARDERS. 

Hoarders

Image via Wikipedia

Yes, HOARDERS.  Yuck.  Even the sound of the name is repulsive.  But there’s something about the show that compels me and draws me in.  Sometimes the people looked really mentally off.  But sometimes they are remarkably lucent and yet still have trouble letting go of things.  Although the things are so piled high in their homes that they have to create little footpaths to get through.  Relatives will fall and break arms or legs and yet the clutter, the mountains of things remain. 

pathway in a hoarder's home

Their inability to let the things go really confuses me.  I mean if it came down to one of my children or a photo album from my childhood, that photo album would be history.  These people make connections to things.  And those things instantly will transport them in their mind to that time/place in their memories when they experienced something wonderful.  An empty old wooden basket reminded one woman of her father.  And although it was not from her childhood.  She didn’t want to part with it.

As much as I might not want to admit it, as much as we all might not want to admit it.  We all have a little HOARDER somewhere in us.  I distinctly remember the first time it dawned on me that there was a little piece of a hoarder in me.  Another   I was watching an episode and the counselor was talking to one homeown about reducing her collection of jelly jars.  Which caused a huge issue for her.  She didn’t want to part with any of them.  And in my mind as I watched her dilemma, instantly a picture of my own collection of jelly jars that sat on top of the fridge flashed in my mind.  Needless to say, I placed all the jars in the recycle bin that day. 

Me rocking Christopher in the rocking chair when he was a baby

But we all have things in our lives that at times can transport us to memories.  The nursery rocking chair that has temporarily become my computer desk chair for one.  I sat in it yesterday and just rocked for a moment and closed my eyes.  And I was transported back to nights awake alone with my children.  Breastfeeding, changing pampers, baby lotion, soft skin, falling asleep sitting up with the baby asleep in my arms.  And for that moment, I thought, I’m never going to get rid of this ratty old rocker. 

embracing what's to come...

But then I remembered, my memories will always be  there.  A rocker won’t solidify them anymore.  And if I crowd my mind with memories of the past, who could really embrace the wonderful present and the even more wonderful future?