How to be a Latina DRESSING the part in the Corporate World

“A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” — Coco Chanel
Do people stop and stare when you walk in the room? Has your boss actually had to bring you into his/her office to counsel you on appropriate work place attire? As Latinas, we’ve been raised to embrace and accentuate our femininity. Most of us have become so good at enhancing our feminine side that it tends to ooze from every pore. Sounds great right? Yes, when you’re with your man or out at the club, it’s wonderful, but this doesn’t always go over well in the work place.


Before I was laid off from my position in the corporate world, every night and most mornings I would peer into my closet and stress over what to wear to work. As a Latina I truly embrace all aspects of my femininity. I love my body and wearing clothing that remind my man that I am a woman and therefore very different than he. I want his eyes on me. We all know that the Latino male is known to have wandering eyes, and whether that’s true or not, I’m not one who wants to take a chance on it. So I dress to keep his eyes on me. Not outrageously but everything I wear is definitely not anything a man would wear.


Some days though, when I get to work in my form fitting skirt that accentuates my Latina curves, I feel out of place and question why did I choose this? I looked fine at home, but now I feel too sexy for the work place. Do you ever find yourself in this position? Well here are a few rules that I pulled together based on my own experiences at work.  Mind you, I have not by any means done all of these things, but I have seen numerous people who have made one or more of these mistakes.  And while you might think fashion mistakes at work could not possibly be a big deal, guess what?   They can be and they are.  Fashion faux pas at work can cost you that job before your interview is completed, they can make your boss think you are young and immature and not ready to handle a promotion, and they can even make a reputation for you without you having to do a thing.  I know, I know!  You are all saying “well that’s not fair!  I should be judged by my work not by how I look”.  Well honey this is America, and as we Latinas know, sometimes you are judged before you say a word so make sure you play by the rules to give yourself a fair shot at all things that you deserve. So take a moment and read through the list.  You’ll be glad you did in the end.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month – should Young Latinas be concerned?

Where do I start!? It has been SO long since I have blogged. Too long honestly. If you are a writer, truly a writer, you need to write. Just as much as you need to eat and breathe. My writing is how I think. It’s how I feel things. How I know how to respond, or what to do next (yes I love lists too). But now here I am. It’s so good to be back. So I have a couple of pieces that I’ve been working on at home, for the past few weeks. And those I will post soon once they are complete. But now, this is just strictly a piece from the heart. To clear the cobwebs in my mind so to speak. I could just cry right now I feel so free.

There has been so much that has happened in my life over the past year. So much. I fasted for 40 days during Lent. Abstained from food completely during the day. And I made it through! I decided to inspire one of my dearest friends who was battling advanced breast cancer by signing up for the 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk that is happening October 16, 17, and 18th in Philadelphia, PA. I signed up for it in January, began fundraising in February, and in May my friend, Melody Charen, she died. She was only 32 years old. She had been diagnosed with Advanced Breast Cancer at the young age of 25.  She didn’t fit the profile of a woman with Breast Cancer, after all she was young and Latina, she had a young son at the time.  But what’s in a profile anyhow?  Can one hold up the “profile” for someone with Breast Cancer as a “Get out of Jail Free” pass when one is diagnosed? No.
Today, after almost 8 years of fighting for her life to the last moments, after all of her struggles, Melody finally is at peace. When I signed up for the 3 Day, I did it to inspire her. I needed to do something. Because I saw how much she was going through I needed to do something. Melody was always the kind of person that never let you know how bad it really was. She always saw the silver lining in the clouds of gloom that were ahead. She took one day at a time and appreciated each day for what it was.

Melody and I had been friends since grade school, all through high school, but when she got sick we started talking a lot less. She distanced herself because she didn’t want people to pity her. She never wanted anyone’s sympathy. She wanted to be seen as normal above all.

I went to her son’s 9th birthday celebration the summer of 2007. I was pregnant then and it’s funny because I still remember this as if it were yesterday. And anyone who knows me knows that if I don’t write something down, write about it, my memories float away like dried up fall leaves on a strong autum wind.  I remember talking to her about the pregnancy and telling her that I was so worried because I didn’t have someone to watch the baby for me when I went back to work. I remember Melody sitting and watching and listening to me as I talked and after a minute, she suggested her own mother. I would never have thought of her, but afterwards her mother and I talked and everything just fell into place.

So when I went back to work her mother did watch Carina, my baby, for me. It was so great. I thought having the baby there was such a positive infusion for them in their lives at a time that was so difficult. I thought that the love that they felt for my daughter would somehow help Melody and her family. At the time, Melody was actively fighting the cancer that had returned to other parts of her body. But never once did she complain. Never once did she say, “why me?” The past couple of years, we became so much closer. Melody became Carina’s “Titi” (Spanish for Auntie) and Melody’s mother, Elsie became “Mom-Mom”. And we became more than friends, we became family, through this bond of love that we all shared for my daughter.  And love her they did.  They all doted on Carina as the newest member of the family.  Carina would at times confuse me and Elsie and call her “Mom” and me “Mom” as well.  But I was never jealous, I always felt blessed that my daughter had so many people in her life that loved her so much. 

After Melody passed, I was deeply shaken.  Although all of the signs were there and I was preparing myself for it, her death shook me to the core.  The 3 Day gave me something positive to turn and focus my energy on.  And now as the time gets closer for the walk, it’s about a week away now, I know she’s going to be with me every step along the way. I know she’s going to walk those 60 miles with me. And I’m not going to give up. I’m not going to quit, because even though she’s not here with us anymore. I still want to inspire her. I miss her so much to this day.

So I’ve taken that love for her and turned it into an advocacy of sorts for Breast Cancer Prevention. I want everyone to know that you don’t have to be older to get breast cancer. And young Latinas, we get breast cancer too. So take a moment, do your own self breast exams and if you feel something wrong, get to the doctor. If he tells you it is nothing, go to another doctor. But don’t stop until you are satisfied that everything is really okay.

So over the next 1 ½ weeks, I’ll continue to prepare for the walk. Sleeping bags, rain gear, you name it, I have to think about it and probably pack it. And for a city girl like me, who’s never been camping a night in her life, this is no small task. But I’m going to do it. I’m not going to complain once and I’m never going to ask “why me?”. Melody never did, why should I?  I’m just going to thank God that I can do the walk and keep on walking until the 60 miles are done and I’ll listen to see if i hear Melody cheering for us.

Time in a Cocoon

 I’ve been thinking again about blogging and have been wanting to pick it back up. Not to continue my diatribes on my relationship, but to talk about LIFE, my LIFE to be more exact. Life as a Latina in 2009. Today. While President Obama is in the White House. And the first Latina ever has been elected to the Supreme Court – Supreme Court Justice Sonya Sotomayor. I’m living right now amidst change! My life every day is in a changing world. And if we don’t stop to smell the flowers, and appreciate that, sometimes it can slip right by you without even having noticed it. It’s been a while that I’ve been searching for some place on line that I could come to. Some place where women are like me. American Latinas, caught in the center of 2 completely different worlds and struggling to maintain their place in those worlds. I still haven’t found that blog, that website that is by Latinas for Latinas and that answers all of those questions. So I decided that this will be the place. It will be a place for me to bare my soul or to not bare my soul to the world. To talk about cooking, struggles, with weight, sex, work, marriage, children, family. Everything.

What Really Happened Last Night in my room…

So I had a weird dream again last night. I almost hesitate to write about this one because of the recurring theme. Unfortunately, I can’t remember as much as I did the last time, with my last dream that I wrote of here. I just remember being shocked by it when I awoke and quickly replaying it in my mind. That usually helps the dream stick some in my mind.

So it was a long dream, and I only remember these bits and pieces. I just remember running away and it was my husband that was chasing me. He wanted to kill me. I remember running in some big huge ditch over dirt and mud. I jumped in an SUV, I think it was his car and I was driving away, but he climbed in through the back window. I remember trying to get away. Then the next thing I remember we were in some sort of a room. And this was it. I had a gun and someone next to me handed me bullets and told me to load it and shoot him. I had never done it before, and they offered to help, but I for some strange reason wanted to do it on my own, I wanted to learn now. So I started pushing the bullets in, but it was really a roll of quarters. But I kept pushing them in anyhow. I tried to shoot the gun, but it didn’t go off. I had loaded it incorrectly somehow. Then I looked at my husband. He was sitting behind a desk. He opened the zipper of his pants and pulled out an oozie from his pants. And he shot me twice in the stomach. I didn’t feel pain. But I knew I was shot. And that’s all I can remember. Kind of weird though that he pulled the shot gun from his pants.

So I went to my online dream dictionary and pulled up all of the references that I relate to my dream and have included them here. Why do I keep having these dreams with this theme of me, my husband and death? This is starting to bother me.

Killer
To see a killer commit murder in your dream, foretells sadness caused by the misdeeds of others. To dream that you are killed or being chased by a killer, foretells that enemies are working against you.

Murder
If you dream of witnessing a murder in your dream, it forewarns that someone will do something that upsets or saddens you. Dreaming that you are murdered by someone means you have rivals who are secretly conspiring against you. Also see “Murderer”, below

Murderer
To see a murderer kill someone in your dream foretells sadness caused by the misdeeds of others. To dream that you are killed or being pursued by a murderer, foretells that enemies are working against you.

Self-Defense
If you defended yourself in your dream, you should avoid forcing any important issues for the time being, as someone you count on for support could suddenly fail you. Also see “Martial Arts”

Shot
If you dream of shooting someone with a gun, your reputation is going to suffer in some way. If you get shot, you will be annoyed by a nasty person. If you hear the sound of shooting in your dream, this means that selfishness will be the cause of unhappiness between you and someone you love. Also see “Gun”.

Gun
To dream about a gun may mean you feel pressured by a male person in your life. It can also represent anxiety and the need for protection. Also see “Shot”.

Chase / Chasing
Being chased in a dream means you are avoiding facing a threatening situation in real life.

Relatives
If you dream of a family member trying to hurt or kill you, this reflects your anxiety over your real-life relationship with this person. They may have been behaving in an embarrassing or emotionally hurtful way toward you. Also see “Family.”

Family
If you dream about your family, it may be a way for your mind to express feelings and concerns about your real faimly that you could not express in daily life. Some believe that this dream usually has nothing to do with your actual family members, but rather the male and female sides of your own personality or self. So in a dream, your father may represent your expressive and protective aspects, while your mother could stand for your receptive and nurturing side. If family members behave very differently in a dream than they do in real life, or if unexpected things happen when you are with your dream family, the dream is probably a way of releasing your anxiety about real-life family issues. For instance, if you dream of a family member trying to hurt or kill you, it reflects a real-life concern about this person. They are acting in a way that hurts you, or threatens your emotional happiness.

Running
Running in a dream suggests that you are feeling trapped or pressured in a real life relationship. It can also mean you feel stressed by school or work. Also see the “Running” explanations below, and also see “Track.”

Quarter
If you dreamed of quarters (the coin), you will receive unexpected gains but they will come with responsibility. Make sure you act in accordance with your inner values!

When Tomorrow Starts Without me…

When tomorrow starts without me,
and I’m not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me:

I wish you wouldn’t cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn’t get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you’ll miss me too:

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand.

And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I’d have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I’d always thought,
I didn’t want to die.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I’d say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven’s gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,

He said, “This is eternity.
And all I’ve promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day’s the same way
There’s no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times
You did some things

You knew you shouldn’t do.
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you’re free.
So won’t you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?”

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don’t think we’re far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I’m right here, in your heart.

Author Unknown_______________________________

I found this poem on line today and it touched me. I thought I would share it with you all. It is especially fitting today. Today is Veterans Day and it brings me memories of my uncle who passed away this year, he was a Veteran. I thought I would share it with you all in case any one has experienced any recent losses of a loved one, or may be losing one slowly, like we lost my uncle.

Last Night I Drowned in my Sleep…

I had a dream last night that I was picnicking at a park with my family. We were sitting on an embankment of a lake. My husband had taken the kids canoeing. The lake was surrounded by trees. And the water in the lake, was murky and brown, as if it were muddy. My husband came out of the canoe, but I think he left something in the canoe that I wanted to reach over and pull out. So I walked to the edge and reached over and somehow I fell in. All of a sudden I was surrounded by the water. And it was so murky, I could feel myself falling. I could hear my aunt screaming that I had fallen in telling my husband to save me, but he didn’t come. I looked around to save myself. I had to find the light and swim in the direction of the light, but the light was below me and I was confused. I was suspended. I wasn’t sure if I was upside down or not. I was surprisingly calm especially when I realized that I could breathe shallowly in the water. But it came to me then that I was going to die. And I relaxed and let myself go.

The next thing I knew, I opened my eyes and I was still breathing shallowly, I had awoken from the dream in the bed in my room at my mother’s house. It was my old bed and it was positioned where it was probably about 15 years ago when I was living there. And I realized I was okay. So I got up and left and went to visit an old friend. While I was at her house, I had set up my art collection on a series of shelves. It’s a collection that I don’t even own, but I did in my dream and I was proud of it. But my friend was disgusted by it. She felt it was pornography of some sort and didn’t want to see it. I remember being surprised, and embarrassed, so I gathered all of it together to put away. I don’t remember what was in the collection, except for one doll head. The kind that stands up on the table and you can brush their hair. Later, I woke up and remembered the dream and thought how odd it was that I accepted death in my dream, only to wake up from the dream (in my dream and realize it was a dream) and continue dreaming. So weird. Anyhow, I looked up certain things from the dream dictionary and put them here, the ones that were petinent to my dream. It’s crazy, but I think all the answers are here in what I found in the dream dictionary. What do you think this means?

Canoe
To see or sit in a canoe in your dream represents serenity, simplicity and independence. It is also a reflection of your emotional balance. You are moving ahead thanks to your own power and determination.


Drowning
Drowning in a dream signifies you can no longer hide your feelings about a certain situation. These dreams usually occur when the dreamer is feeling overwhelmed in real life.

Death
Dreams about death are not necessarily bad omens, but they usually represent anxious or angry feelings. To dream of your own death is actually positive – it means renewal and letting go of an old stage of life. This is also a common dream when you are getting over an illness – and it’s a good sign that you are getting better. However, if you dream that you are dying slowly, you need to drastically change your routine and reenergize your life.

Water
Water is the universal symbol for emotions. How water looks and behaves in a dream is very significant. Here are some meanings for different water dreams: Rising water indicates rising emotions. Turbulent, choppy waters, in which a dreamer fears being swamped or drowning, symbolizes that you are being overwhelmed emotionally. Cloudy water suggests lack of emotional clarity. If you dream that you are able to breathe underwater, you are open to unconscious feelings and psychic awarenesses.

Lake
To see a lake in your dream signifies your emotional state of mind. If the lake is clear and calm, it symbolizes your inner peace. If the lake is disturbed and wavy, then you may be going through some emotional turmoil.

Trees
Lush green trees in your dreams symbolize new hopes, growth and desires.

Rescue
Being rescued from danger in a dream means you may need to end an unhealthy relationship or situation in your life

Waking Up
If you dream of waking up while still dreaming, you have a creative nature and are open to new ideas.

Doll
Dreaming of a doll means someone is being dishonest with you in real life.

Doll House
To see or play with a dollhouse in your dream symbolizes your idealistic notions about family life. Alternatively, the dollhouse in your dream may mean that your mind is trying to solve and work out waking problems with family members as you sleep

Pornography
Often, this dream is also symbolic of your fear about exposing some aspect of yourself. For all dreams involving pornography: if your dream was upsetting or unpleasant in any way, it signifies that you need to feel more in control of your own sexuality and romantic life. Don’t let yourself be pressured by any person or by society.

Reincarnated for love…

Have you ever thought that maybe you lived another life before this one? You, but a different you? In a different place, different time, different situations..? I’ve always been intrigued by the concept of reincarnation. Did I ever have another life before this one? If so, what was it? What was I like? Who was I? Was a man? Was I a woman? Well, I have certain fears in this life that are really unfounded, so maybe it could be related to another life right? My fear of the dark and being attacked? Could that be a memory of a past trauma? Anyhow, so today I get on this kick that I’m going to research this whole theory. So I spent a little time on it and read some other people’s memories of past lives. It was very interesting. And I did a search and there are some groups on facebook that are devoted to the subject. The whole purpose of reincarnation, I think is to keep on developing spiritually. If you mess up with something in one life, in the next you might have to be on the other side of the coin to learn from a different perspective. The abuser becomes the abused and so on. Until eventually maybe you earn the right of heaven? Not sure, but it led me to wonder, how could any possible lives that I might have had correlate with my life now? And I think I’ve come up with it. In this life, I’ve been given the cross to bear of unrequited love. So I guess in another life I must have been a womanizer and really broken some hearts. Cause this life, I’ve really gotten the short end of the stick when it comes to love.

Random Thoughts that Stick in my Mind…

So it’s been a while since I’ve blogged and it still feels weird doing it here. I’m not sure why, maybe because it’s different. For those of you who didn’t know, I had my tubes tied on Friday. A tubal ligation actually is the name. And I’m still recupperating. It hasn’t been that bad, but it could have been easier. Ever since, I’ve been kind of sad. Just knowing that I can’t ever have any more children, no more babies for me. It makes me feel sad. Not that I want another one, mind you. i don’t want to be pregnant again. Who would want that? The fat hot hungry misery of pregnancy… You see these women on TV and they speak of pregnancy like it’s art, some miraculous Mona Lisa hanging on the the wall. But it’s nothing like that at all. It’s like having an alien come and set up residence inside of you for 10 months and then at the end you’re hazed into infant boot camp through a tortoruous delivery of some type. So, that’s the furthest thing from my mind. Who would want that? So then why does it make me so sad knowing I will NEVER have it again? Ugh. Sometimes I exasperate myself with my thoughts.

So just yesterday, as I was driving back home to relax after I dropped off the kids the weirdest thing happened. Standing at the corner, waiting for the bus, was my 1st boyfriend ever. His name was Luis. And he looked just the same, but older. Same haircut, everything. I stared at him and inched my car closer so that I could get a better look. It was him. But he was a lane away from me, so conversation was impossible. As I was pulling away, he saw me and stepped out to get a better look at me and my heart dropped. I kept on going. What would I have said to him? Should I have given him a ride? Should I just have thanked my lucky stars that I wasn’t still with him and standing next to him on that bus stop as I did? I don’t know. But it made me think. Not of endless love, but of puppy love, and letters, and poems and sweetnesses that was our relationship. I can’t help but think that I missed my chance. For what I don’t know. I guess to be nosey and find out what he was, how many kids he had, was he married. Yeah I guess that’s it. I wanted to know about him today. But I missed the chance, cause the light turned green and I just kept on going. Anyhow, I’m leaving early to go home and rest. Just a bit of my random thoughts today. Hope you enjoyed the window into my mind.

a hole

Shattered memories.
Glimpses of the past as we make love
Silent stares
Endless silence
Confusion
Love untold
You kissing me
Me kissing you
You kissing her
Pieces of me slip away
Replaced by steel
You fuck me
I fuck you
You fuck her
I lie alone
Embracing you in my dreams
Once upon a time
Happily ever after you promised me
You promised ME
There is a hole in my chest
A burning hole
It shoots live fire through me
Your words burned in my mind forever
Your face so terrible
Who are you?
Where is he?
The man who promised me happilty ever after?
He’s gone
And now all I’m left with is a fucking hole
And words that run through my mind
If you would have known him then you would have believed too
Really believed.
eternity endured
Ever after is here and happily long gone.
pennies tarnish over time
At least I have my hole
I guess

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