Random Thoughts that Stick in my Mind…

So it’s been a while since I’ve blogged and it still feels weird doing it here. I’m not sure why, maybe because it’s different. For those of you who didn’t know, I had my tubes tied on Friday. A tubal ligation actually is the name. And I’m still recupperating. It hasn’t been that bad, but it could have been easier. Ever since, I’ve been kind of sad. Just knowing that I can’t ever have any more children, no more babies for me. It makes me feel sad. Not that I want another one, mind you. i don’t want to be pregnant again. Who would want that? The fat hot hungry misery of pregnancy… You see these women on TV and they speak of pregnancy like it’s art, some miraculous Mona Lisa hanging on the the wall. But it’s nothing like that at all. It’s like having an alien come and set up residence inside of you for 10 months and then at the end you’re hazed into infant boot camp through a tortoruous delivery of some type. So, that’s the furthest thing from my mind. Who would want that? So then why does it make me so sad knowing I will NEVER have it again? Ugh. Sometimes I exasperate myself with my thoughts.

So just yesterday, as I was driving back home to relax after I dropped off the kids the weirdest thing happened. Standing at the corner, waiting for the bus, was my 1st boyfriend ever. His name was Luis. And he looked just the same, but older. Same haircut, everything. I stared at him and inched my car closer so that I could get a better look. It was him. But he was a lane away from me, so conversation was impossible. As I was pulling away, he saw me and stepped out to get a better look at me and my heart dropped. I kept on going. What would I have said to him? Should I have given him a ride? Should I just have thanked my lucky stars that I wasn’t still with him and standing next to him on that bus stop as I did? I don’t know. But it made me think. Not of endless love, but of puppy love, and letters, and poems and sweetnesses that was our relationship. I can’t help but think that I missed my chance. For what I don’t know. I guess to be nosey and find out what he was, how many kids he had, was he married. Yeah I guess that’s it. I wanted to know about him today. But I missed the chance, cause the light turned green and I just kept on going. Anyhow, I’m leaving early to go home and rest. Just a bit of my random thoughts today. Hope you enjoyed the window into my mind.

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